27 Sep 2010 4 Comments
I am not a fan.
Vomit would be ok if it didn’t smell, wasn’t chunky, didn’t look like what I just ALSO ate and didn’t turn cold the moment it hit my hair, neck and skin.
Last night, after a weekend of ill child, ill me and increasing familial crankiness my daughter rounded off the weekend with a scene that would have made the special effects genius of The Exorcist pack up his bags, go home and take up square dancing.
Not only did she manage to cover the entire bathroom floor but she also got my shoes, my hair, my ears, my neck, and down the front of my chest. Which was, considering she was facing AWAY from me, an impressive feat to say the least. I am starting to believe that the whole head turning thing is like the whole touching your toes thing – something all kids can do until their muscles lock up at 22.
So, there I was in the bathroom, covered in sick and holding a dripping child. There was an undigested leek on my toe. I don’t like leeks.
Fortunately there was also an already run bath. Wahey! So I plonked her into the bath, clothes and all, only for her to start screaming even louder, “Is HOT Mommy! HOT!”.
The Husband, now alerted to the fact that things weren’t necessarily all well in the house, appeared. Like a Man Genie. Poof.
“I haven’t put all the cold water in there yet!” he said.
I instantly whipped her out, checked her legs, and panicked about boiling her alive while sick slid happily down my chest.
The Husband continued to sign his death warrant, “You should always check the temperature of the water before you put a child in it,” he said.
The expression on my face would have stopped a lesser man but he calmly ambled off to fetch a bucket and mop while I opened the cold tap with somewhat more violence that it deserved.
It got worse.
You see, because I had dumped my poor child into the water, most of the undigested lentils, leeks and other items from the chicken soup we’d just eaten, had slipped gaily into the water. There they were, frolicking with gay abandon in the water and, wait for it, BRUSHING MY HAND as I washed the water along.
And here came the question that all parents are faced with at some point or another. Do I empty the tub and start again while my child shivers in sick or do I throw her in the sort of clean water, scrub her off fast and get her clean?
Pop quiz, hotshot. WHAT DO YOU DO?
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