Mad women on mobility scooters, man thongs and poisonous Father’s Day
20 Jun 2011 10 Comments
in Bedraggled Mum, Slightly Insane Tags: Blog, Child, Husband, Squidge
I feel sorry for my husband. I really, really do. I mean, let’s face it, he is married to someone who would (in the old days) have been labelled as mentally unstable and put into a huggy jacket for all eternity. Nowadays I am merely considered “quirky” and he is forced to endure great pain. Like when I nearly killed him on Father’s Day…
Let’s start at the beginning of this truly insane weekend.
On Saturday, after a lovely morning of pootling through Brighton and purchasing all manner of delightful objects for Father’s Day, Squidge and I returned home to fetch The Husband. Then the four of us trundled off to her school to view their Art Day which was, essentially, the kids’ artwork in frames on boards.
We loved her pic. The Husband grinched about the fact that we have to pay £6.50 for a framed pic in yet another fund raising activity and muttering about writing a blank cheque and being a bank. I was all misty-eyed about the awesomeness of a painting done by my little genius, all framed and ready to go.
Then on the way home, on a narrow sidewalk, a woman hit my child with her mobility scooter. There was this sickening “crunch” and then that cry that no mother EVER wants to hear.
I felt her hand ripped from mine and everything seemed to go in slow motion.
It was like I was turning in syrup. My child lay on the pavement, arm outstretched, face almost under the wheel of the scooter. I screamed, “Oh my god!” The world ground to a horrible halt.
I cannot tell you how hideous that moment was. I ran to her, checked her out. Made her move arms and legs. And down the side of her beautiful face was a raw scrape where the wheels had ripped her skin off. Other than that my lovely brave child was alright.
The Husband and I were NOT.
I was so shaken I kept walking with Squidge, I wanted to get to a wider part of the pavement so I could put her down and look at her more closely without being bumped into by people. The Husband was torn between me and the woman. We both knew we couldn’t say anything more than the horror on our faces. She kept saying sorry.
I knew I couldn’t beat up a woman in a mobility scooter. But BOY was I angry. I had already been irked by her aggressive driving, practically forcing me to jump out her way. Now I was fuming. But I kept walking. I didn’t want to upset The Husband and Squidge any more than they already were.
We went to a local coffee shop as Squidge said she wanted a hot chocolate and we were both happy to oblige. Then we talked about what had happened and The Husband shared his bombshell.
He said that those machines are really heavy and that if it had been an inch to the left it could have crushed her skull. It sounds dramatic but he is not prone to fits of fancy. He was right.
The strength left my legs. Really. When that realisation kicked in I could barely breathe.
Two days later and we are both still very disturbed by it all. Something so simple could have been a tragedy.
Should mobility scooters be allowed on the pavements? I am inclined to say no, now.
In spite of our drama we forged ahead for a fabulous Father’s Day. He got breakfast in bed, lots of pressies. We went to the fair and did some random wandering around and looking at vintage cars and laughing at donkeys in the Donkey Derby and nibbling on fudge.
We also saw this at one of the stands.
No, I don’t get it either. A prize to the human who can connect the naked man in a thong with his legs chopped off to a Lion’s fundraising day and stuffed toy animals.
It was an ace day until, after eating the dinner I got for him, he fell over ill and has not been able to move much since. Awesome. I poisoned The Husband on Father’s Day.
What kind of a woman am I????
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10 Comments (+add yours?)
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Jun 20, 2011 @ 22:22:34
There are NO words. Glad she’s ok. Hx
Jun 21, 2011 @ 09:34:49
She is fine. Her parents…not so much.
Jun 20, 2011 @ 20:03:09
oh so glad, glad, glad Squidge is ok! My dad wants one of those scooters and I have said a big fat NO as I think they are lethel for oldies as well as other pedestrians. Surely people should have driving tests before they are let loose on them.
Jun 21, 2011 @ 09:35:23
I concur! You know how many people have said that to me when I’ve told them the story! Everyone seems to think that they need to have some kind of driving license and now I am inclined to agree.
Jun 20, 2011 @ 18:05:01
Am also torn by the mobility scooter debate. If you’re well and fit enough to climb onto the mobility scooter, you’re surely well and fit enough to walk? Or is it mostly just fat people too lazy to walk who ride around them? If you can’t walk, then you should be in a wheelchair and have a nurse pushing you around. Pah.
I have one up on your man with the thong, btw. When I was squatting at the Shmuck’s place years back, they brought home the bottom half of a mannequin – the legs only. Because I was squatting in the lounge, I wasn’t so good at keeping my clothes in my suitcase. When I went back a week later, after I’d successfully found somewhere relatively normal to stay (the house of 16 people), I returned to find my black lacy bra adorning the leg bits. Interesting. I blushed. I had wanted to the Shmuck to see my black lacy bra, but not quite like that. Oh, yes, it was back in the days when he still had a name, and wasn’t affectionately (or not) known as the Shmuck. God, I hope he’s not reading this…
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Jun 21, 2011 @ 09:35:39
Darling, you never showed ME your black lacy bra. Am gutted.
Jun 20, 2011 @ 17:40:38
I’ve said it many a time, and I’ll say it again: where are the damn teleport pads when you need ‘em.
Jun 21, 2011 @ 09:35:57
Exactly! Although fear of turning into half woman half fly stills holds…
Jun 20, 2011 @ 16:31:06
oh my god, I feel sick thinking about that. poor poor squidge and poor you and husband. what a lucky near miss. maniac mobility driver! get off the pavement or slow down to a child’s walking pace.
Jun 21, 2011 @ 09:36:11
Totally. You are totally and utterly right.